Babies on the Move: Diapering

When you first set up your baby's nursery, you likely envisioned their diaper changing area with a squishy pad at the adult's height. For a newborn, this can be the ideal set up, but one day they start to roll and you find yourself in somewhat of a panic. If you go ask Google, you will find "parenting experts" suggesting that you distract your rolly polly with flashing lights, books, toys, mobiles, rattles, anything to distract them from the experience and to keep them still. But what if I told you there was another way? Montessori spoke about having the ultimate respect for the child because a child is "superior to adults by means of their innocence". Therefore, whenever we are doing something for our child (such as a diaper change), it should be done with respect. How? By doing it with the child in collaboration and with joy and not to the child in haste. To distract or force them to stay still while we change them takes the cooperation and, therefore, the respect out of the equation.

Once your baby starts rolling, they are no longer fully safe up high at the adult's height. Of course, with you standing there it doesn't necessarily seem unsafe, but if you are having to stop them every time they go to roll you are telling their bodies to stop what they naturally need to do in that moment. Babies' bodies have an internal need to move that can only be stopped by unnatural force. If we are interfering with this need, we are not "following the child" (in the words of Montessori) and we are going against nature. Therefore, while we could stop the child from rolling, we shouldn't have to. Instead, we should prepare the environment for the needs of the child in front of us. 

Ok-so you have a roller, you want to respect their need to move, you need to change their diaper, and you want to do this with them instead of to them, how do you prepare the environment for that? Start by taking that cute, squishy changing pad and moving it to the floor along with everything else you need to facilitate their diaper changes. You could add a full length mirror sideways next to the changing pad so they can watch you- like my favorite $7 one from Target. Once you've put the changing pad on the floor, your little mover will be able to roll if they feel the urge without adult intervention. As you change them, move slowly, speak to them, invite them to participate by letting them know what you're doing right before you do it. Over time they will learn the routine of your movements and start to lift and move their body in a way to support what you are doing. It is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of our every day, fast-paced lives; so, it may help to visualize helping someone much older who needs help with their caretaking. You would not just grab them and move their bodies about quickly doing your acts to them. You would slow down, speak to them with tenderness, knowing that this body is not your own, and explain in detail what you are doing with their cooperation. This is the same care and respect we should show our babies.

Over time your roller will turn to a crawler and then one day they will pull their bodies up to stand. At this point, their whole world will change. It will go from a horizontal view of the world to a vertical one where everything is clearer and so much closer than before. They will try to return to this position again and again as their bodies work hard to integrate this new pattern of movement into the hardwiring of their brains. As this is something their bodies will be naturally called to do, trying to lay them down for a quick diaper change will feel nearly impossible. People often describe it as being similar to wrestling an alligator. If you are in this position feeling powerless to your "alligator baby", I want to help challenge your mindset. Thinking of your child in this way almost equates it with feelings of needing to control, dominate, or restrain this tiny human in order to stop them from listening to their bodies. Instead, let's think about how we, as the prepared adult, can change our approach to one that is rooted in respect and cooperation. 

Instead of working against nature (and your tiny human), lets work with our child. We can do this by changing their diaper standing up. How? 

First, I let my child know that their diaper is dirty so it is time to change them. For standing diaper changes, I try to do them in the bathroom to help start to bridge the connection between what happens in their diaper and what happens in the bathroom. (However, sometimes that is not possible and that is OK.) For babies still new to pulling up, they will be unsteady on their feet and need something to keep their balance. Some people use this bar to suction onto the outside of their bathtub for their baby to hold onto during a diaper change. Some use the top of the wall of their bathtub. Some use a step stool (that would be used for them to eventually wash their hands on at the sink) to balance them. Some, like me, have their baby push against the back of their bathroom door with a mirror (like the one linked above) attached to the back of the door so the child can see themselves and be a full participant in the process. No matter how you choose to help your baby to stand on their own for this type of diaper change, make sure you are moving slow and talking to your baby through the whole thing.

The next thing to consider is to have a place for all of your diaper changing needs (diapers, wipes, cream/balm, anything else). I personally used the bottom drawer in my bathroom cabinet so my baby could have easy access to everything we needed. However, you could also use a caddy or whatever you stored these things in before. The only thing you want to make sure of is that these items will be accessible to your child. You want them to be able to see you getting the supplies you need and eventually (as they become more adept at cruising and eventually walking) be able to collect the items themselves. 

You may also want to consider whether you want to sit on the floor for this or if you'd be more comfortable on a low stool or cushion. Maybe you have something in the bathroom already that you use while giving baths or a stool for washing hands or whether you need to put something extra in the bathroom. 

Note: I am going to speak of my experience using disposable diapers. If your family uses cloth diapers, I would follow a similar sequence, but adapting it where it applies. However,  I cannot speak to cloth diapering in this way as I have never done so. 

Now to the nitty gritty of the how- Once your space is set up, the first thing I want you to identify is whether it is pee or poop that you are about to change. 

If it is pee in the diaper, I let them know that they peed, tell them I am going to take off their diaper, and then slowly show how I take it off. You may need to undress their bottom half or open onesie snaps before getting to the diaper. Move slowly as you do this describing what you're doing.  I then always place my hand underneath the diaper to slowly bring it down once it is unfastened and let the child know that I am taking the diaper off now. After it is off, I show and tell how the diaper is wet. I get my wipes and, if the child is steady enough to let go of one hand, I have them pull out a wipe for me to use. I let them know I will wipe them now and talk through it as I go. If their legs are close together, I help them move their feet apart slowly to help with wiping. Once done, I show how i fold the diaper up and then place it in our diaper pail as I describe what I am doing. I then get a new diaper, slowly put it on as they hold themselves against the door, and close the tabs describing as I go. I then redress as needed. After, I return any items I took out for the diaper change. Then, I go to the sink with my child and show how to wash my hands. How you go about this will depend on the steadiness of your child, but over time they will be able to stand at a step stool with you to watch you wash your hands and eventually join in on this process too. You can show them how you shut the light off as you leave or invite them to do so by holding them up to the light switch or by getting one of these light extenders for them to eventually use on their own.

If they have pooped in their diaper, I let them know that they pooped, tell them I am going to take off their diaper, and then slowly show how I take it off. You may need to undress their bottom half or open onesie snaps before getting to the diaper. Move slowly as you do this describing what you're doing.  I then always place my hand underneath the diaper to slowly bring it down once it is unfastened and let the child know that I am taking the diaper off now. For poop, I move extra slow to really see what and how much I am working with. Poop diapers do take some learning over time, but eventually become as easy as changing pee diapers. Once it is off, I get a wipe and as they hold onto the door, I let them know I will be lifting their leg up. Once their leg is lifted, I do work fast to clear out all of the poop to get it cleaned before they no longer wish to be in that position. Over time, they will get used to this and you will need to only tap on one leg for them to lift that leg themselves. As they are more steady on their feet, I have them touch their toes instead, which is an easier way to stay for longer periods and give them a little more autonomy on how their body is held. This is all so I can ensure that I have gotten all of the poop out of any of the spaces it may have creeped into. Once completely cleaned, you will follow the same set of steps as if they had peed. 

The other part of this you will want to think about is, as you are talking through your movements, to make sure you are teaching the correct names for your child's anatomy. Doing this early on normalizes these words as the same as learning the names of their head, shoulders, knees, and toes, but it also brings an awareness to their body and gives them language for understanding and future use.

As they get older and more capable of standing on their own, they may show an interest in helping more with the different steps. We allow and encourage all efforts as this is a process, like all self-care tasks, helping the child to learn to do it themselves. They may show an interest in pulling the tabs off themselves, putting the diaper in the diaper pail, getting out the new diaper and wipes, pulling the wipes as needed out of the wipe holder, pushing down or pulling up their pants. Also, washing hands is a part of the pottying process and will be learned easiest with the least resistance as a natural part of the process if you include it now instead of waiting until they are learning to use the toilet. 

Standing diaper changes are a way to do this very necessary task with your child instead of to your child, not fighting their urges to stand, respecting that this is their body, and inviting them to help as a part of their own caretaking. So, the next time your mover needs a diaper change, go forth with confidence knowing that you've got this mama!