Everyone has an opinion and, in this world of internet sharing and shaming, people feel as though they have a duty, almost a moral responsibility to society, to share theirs. This unwavering honesty and confidence has led to a lot of mayhem, but it has also led a lot of people down a path of understanding about viewpoints, lifestyles, beliefs, and opinions that differ from their own because the world has been opened up for them beyond the context of their own community. I choose to personally place my efforts, emotions, and energy on the ladder. This is how I more or less fell into the world of homeschooling and the belief that I could and should follow this path.
Not all have fallen down that rabbit hole, not all use the internet as a place for growth and understanding, not all live with the belief that different doesn't equate to being wrong. However, while homeschooling was once almost seen as taboo, something "others" did somewhere else often laced with religious connotation or even almost an Amish style of living, in the world post 2020 it has been given a real seat at the table. This is not me saying it is somehow different, better, or seen as the norm now, but it has been cast under a different light once parents across the board were given the task of doing just that. Many were given a new glimpse into the school system for better or for worse that differed from their relationship with it before. So now in this post 2020 world, when I say I am homeschooling, I do not feel the same judgemental cast pinning me with almost a scarlet letter burden as I would have before. However, I did not choose this because of a new view of education, I chose this because as someone who worked within the walls of that system for years, I knew I no longer wanted to work in that environment much less send my children to it. This is not a judgment on those who do. This is just an account of my lived experience and my choices thereafter. I digress...
Someone on Instagram asked me about the reactions I receive when announcing I am choosing to homeschool my children which is what led to my discussion of this topic. I will not recount each and every conversation I have had, but rather I will give a summary of the three types of responses I get. The first is one of no surprise because of course I am as a former teacher. This one I tend to bite my tongue when I get it as I know it comes from a positive place rooted in support; however, me being a former public school educator does not mean that I am a better homeschooler for it. Yes, it does give me the added bonus of knowledge in practice; however, I think this viewpoint is problematic for families without this past experience because at the end of the day parents are the ones who know their child best. Maria Montessori herself stated that in order to be a Montessori guide, a traditional teacher would struggle and have to do double the amount of work to unlearn their ways of doing things and their mindset of what "teaching" means compared to someone who has not. I really resonate with that in thinking of the growth I have had to have in order to shift my mindset. I personally am in continual awe at many of the ways homeschooling parents who were not former educators are able to come up with different materials, presentations, and lessons that I myself would struggle to come up with because of some of the limitations of my own trained mindset. So, please do not assume things about my overwhelming abilities or others inability to do what is best for their child. That leads to more of a stigma and taboo feeling around homeschooling that so many of us are working to dismantle.
The second is one of many questions, but an overall supportive attitude. I appreciate these people's perspective. While it is easy to make assumptions based on social media, the media, and just overall traditional mindsets on what things should or could look like, taking the time to find out what families are doing in their own homes really leads to better understanding. Each homeschooling family follows different philosophies of education, has different reasons for choosing this route, and has different day to day experiences. To lump any of us together based on what "someone you saw online" was doing does no one any good. I'm a strong proponent of learning more about what you don't know to gain a more informed opinion. If you are reading this trying to learn more about the choice for homeschooling, this is not that. This is your invitation to ask questions of those families who you wish to understand more about. I can't speak on their choice and experiences. I can only speak on my own.
The last one is one of outrage at the idea that I would "do that" to my children and the ever repeated horror at my obvious desire to never socialize them (cue eye roll). This last one is the one I would like to dive a little deeper into. Despite my obvious sarcasm, this is the question I and all homeschoolers get asked the most. I myself even wondered about this because of the societal idea that this is the "problem" with homeschooling. To this I would say that there are outliers in any group of people. Of course there are families who choose to isolate themselves from society and homeschool. However, the more I learned and engaged with other homeschooling families, the more I learned that that was an overwhelming minority. Let me paint you a picture here. Families who choose to homeschool do so because they believe it what is best for their children and for their family. It is not a task taken lightly or because it is somehow an "easier route". It is a ton of unpaid work that can often be looked down at in society. It is a lot of research, learning, unlearning, collaborating, reading, more reading, planning, creating, buying, etc. So, with that thought in mind, why would parents who homeschool for their children's best interest do something like isolate their children against their child's best interests? Quick answer is that they wouldn't. Homeschooling families don't see socialization as something that only happens between same age peers within the walls of a school. We recognize that the world is bigger than the peers of our same age from our same community. The world is made up of people of all ages, from every type of community, background,and experience. Therefore, when we think of socializing our children, defining it as being done best in a place of only their same age peers within their own community in a building that often looks down upon socializing while learning doesn't quite sit well with me. To me, it would feel more like a real socialization in exposing your children to more than just copies of their own lived experiences. It's like what the internet has done for me by leading them down a path of understanding about people who are different than they are with differing experiences, viewpoints, lifestyles, beliefs, and opinions. Just some food for thought.
Personally, I have the benefit as a homeschool parent to have been a teacher in a past life and therefore have gained some undue "right" to homeschool with less questioning. However, if this is the path you feel is best for your children and your family and others do not feel the same as you, know that you do not in any way have to try to prove yourself or your worth to make decisions for your family. Stand firmly in the belief that you can and should be able to do what is best for your family. It takes time to grow some thick skin on the topic, but isn't that how every parenting topic can feel nowadays? At the end of the day, whatever you choose is your choice for better or worse. Stand in it and know that the only way out is through. So, cast aside public opinion or even that of your own extended family, push through, and stand tall.
From one homeschool mama to another, you've got this.
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