Transitioning to the Second Plane

It seems like yesterday I was bouncing my “high needs” baby on a yoga ball, and now I’m guest writing a post on this baby who has grown into a sociable, curious, increasingly outspoken “big kid.” 

By big kid, I mean school-age — which is kind of a big deal in the Montessori community. When children depart the early years and graduate to elementary, it’s known as a rebirth for just how much changes developmentally. It’s the transition to the “second plane,” which is one of four distinct stages of development Montessori uncovered. 

Montessori’s work here inspires two huge callouts for me as a parent:

1. Learning and development is not linear, which means it can also feel less predictable and therefore harder to support. 
2. This validates just how crucial it is for me to stay curious so that I can continue to show up for my kids with patience, grace, and understanding. 

This need to stay curious proved true even as I navigated the early years; what was intuitive or convenient to me as an adult was not always authentic to what my children needed through infancy or toddlerhood. The same can be true in elementary. What I assume and expect of my child simply because he is now older and more physically capable may actually be a giant clash to his current, most pressing needs.

By learning and relearning the communication behind behaviors and the skills behind interests. In the second plane, many traits that surface will be rooted in:

• a sensitive period for the imagination (after all those years focusing on reality)
• a deep need to understand the why (after all those years categorizing the what)
• an obsession with justice and fairness (after all those years building sense of self)
• a big need for collaborative, social learning (after all those years refining independent focus)

The signature traits of a second-plane kid won’t magically kick in right at six years old. You may notice some of these shifts sooner, like I’m observing in my soon-to-be kindergartener, while other traits may take a little longer to show up. 

Something to look forward to: this period of development is impressive and quite grounding developmentally.

“...The child of six is different from the child of twelve. The twelve-year-old has grown during the preceding six years, but there have been no great transformations; it has been a time of peaceful growing. For this reason, the second plane is a period of power and mental strength. It is a time for work and mental application.” –– Maria Montessori

This mental strength is what makes the elementary years so conducive to academic knowledge, which will be a heightened interest that fades away when adolescence comes. In fact, the third plane is known as a “parallel plane” to the early years because both toddlers and teenagers care more about the real world. 

From this perspective, I think we can all stand to better appreciate just how empowering this second plane is. It’s arguably THE time to build critical thinking, meaningful collaboration skills, and executive functioning needed to generate ideas and see them through. 

What an elementary kid is trusted to do can build the life skills we so often hope to see in future leaders. (Phew, no pressure on us as parents, right?)

Something that’s hard: this period requires us to surrender more control in ways that may feel brand new to us.

• It’s no longer satisfying to offer choices between what color cup they want; it’s holding a seat at the family decision-making table and getting their input on plans or even boundaries that need to be set.
• It’s no longer satisfying to delegate one step of food prep that we neatly organized ahead of time; it’s holding space for them to generate meal ideas, source the ingredients and tools they need, and complete whole processes. 
• It’s no longer satisfying to observe our own social circles and interactions; it’s respecting the social autonomy they crave to go out on a limb and make their own first friendships. 

While these observations are ultimately strides, they’re not necessarily going to be easy to support. These strides will come with more physical mess in our environment, seemingly more conflict as they learn how to advocate, and some social blunders that we know as adults would be considered “rude.” 

And all of it is normal. 

I think we need that reminder the most, sometimes. In the same way those first public tantrums caused doubt in the early years, there will be moments of doubt with our big kids. Lean into these moments of doubt because these are the ones that help you grow with your child. 

There’s no singular strategy or perfect parenting script I can leave you with. But, trust that your role will stay the same:

Judge less, observe more.

React less, prepare more.

Direct less, guide and encourage more.

PS. have your coffee hot 

PPS. surround yourself with kind, supportive humans

With love,

Jenna @ holdingspacemontessori

This post was guest written by: Jenna Wawrzyniec